


too long since i last saw you

by lostin_space



Series: quick little doodles [36]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Pre-Canon, big sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 04:56:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21230162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: “Today is the five year anniversary of the last time I saw the love of my life,” he admitted, tapping incessantly on the counter. Maria tried not to look shocked. Guerin had a legitimate ‘love of his life’? She didn’t even have that. Michael let out a dry laugh. “Five years. And you know what I realized?”“What?” she asked softly. He looked up again and his lips were quivering, his shoulders shaking as he took a heavy breath.“I realized,” he said, voice thick with tears as he continued to tap, “That I don’t remember his face.”





	too long since i last saw you

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by[ this post](https://vlamito.tumblr.com/post/188681844255/when-lemony-snicket-wrote-i-will-love-you-if-i)

Maria eyed Michael Guerin as he sat down in front of her already wasted.

“Shouldn’t you be at home?” she asked, leaning forward. He’d gotten sort of cute over the years if you ignore the constant drunkenness and his new affinity for fighting. Twenty-four seemed to be age of destruction for him.

“I need whiskey,” he said. It wasn’t as demanding as it was just stated as a fact. She still raised an eyebrow at him.

“No please?” she teased. He looked up at her and his bloodshot eyes and slightly tearstained face caught her completely off guard. She stood up straight.

“Can you please get me whiskey? I need it,” he said, his voice faltering just a little. She got him a glass without another word.

For the next hour, her eyes lingered on him. He was slumped over and was still nursing his drink, sniffling every once in a while. Maria didn’t know if it was her place to ask if he was alright or not. But then she remembered she was a bartender and he obviously came here for a reason if he already had alcohol from wherever he came.

“Hey,” she said, tapping her fingers against his glass, “You wanna talk about it?”

He raised his head slowly, eyes glazed over and a forced smile on his lips. He just stared at her for a moment. He stared until his eyes filled with tears and he dropped his head again.

“Today is the five year anniversary of the last time I saw the love of my life,” he admitted, tapping incessantly on the counter. Maria tried not to look shocked. Guerin had a legitimate ‘love of his life’? She didn’t even have that. Michael let out a dry laugh. “Five years. And you know what I realized?”

“What?” she asked softly. He looked up again and his lips were quivering, his shoulders shaking as he took a heavy breath.

“I realized,” he said, voice thick with tears as he continued to tap, “That I don’t remember his face.”

Maria felt her stomach drop and she suddenly felt cold. She didn’t know why. All she knew was that for the first time ever, her heart hurt for the man who sat across from her almost every night of the week.

“I mean, obviously, I remember him,” he said, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair, “I remember his hair and, and the vague image of him, but I can’t remember the details. Every time I try to picture him in my mind, I can’t get a full image. It’s foggy. I can’t remember how his nose looked and I can’t remember how big his lips were. I can’t remember how far apart or close together his eyes were. It’s blurry. He’s blurry.”

Michael’s voice broke and tears started streaming over his cheeks. Maria had never felt so desperate to help in her life, but she didn’t know _how._ She felt like she was drowning and then felt guilty because he probably felt like he had run out of air entirely. His lungs were full of water and there was nothing to save him.

Michael laughed and he dropped his head into his hand, gasping in a breath as he did so.

“I can’t decide if that makes me horrible or not,” he admitted, “I-I love him so much it hurts me and... and I can’t even remember his face. I can’t remember him. I can’t remember him. I can’t remember him.”

Michael slumped over, sobbing helplessly into his arms and Maria reached over the bar to rub his back. She wasn’t helping. She didn’t know how to. How could she possibly help him? She couldn’t imagine forgetting the face of someone she loved.

Then she remembered how Rosa and Liz and Alex all felt blurry in her mind. She had pictures of them, but, without the pictures, she couldn’t really see them. She couldn’t remember how they laughed and she couldn’t remember how they looked when they cried.

Her own throat began to tighten.

“I need him back,” he whined lowly, crying a little harder, “I need him.”

“I know,” she whispered, blinking back her own tears. God, why of all people was Guerin able to rake up these fucking feelings? But, he was right. She _needed _Rosa back. Her body ached without her. She had just gone numb.

Michael clearly hadn’t gone numb in five years.

“I can’t feel him anymore,” he added, shaking his head. She fisted his shirt in her hands. She couldn’t feel Rosa anymore either. “I think I’m dying.”

“Is he ever coming home?” she asked softly. Maybe he could get his happy ending. She couldn’t, but maybe he could.

Michael laughed again.

“I don’t think he even remembers I exist.”

She held him tighter.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
